I really need a fresh start. Out of the gate I feel defeated this year. Because, I’m still so run down and sick from the last month or so of 2016. Do you ever get the feeling that there is too much shit that needs to get done? and you can’t find a small window to stop and gather your thoughts? I seem to be stuck in a loop of endless tasks.
I know for a fact that there are so many things I can do to increase exposure to my art or ways to get better and yet I get lost in the minutia of laundry, parenting, cooking (poorly) and working (constantly). It would seem I need time that isn’t there. Over the years I’ve tried making it by staying up late or getting up early, both have their own set of pitfalls (lack of sleep being the most evil of them). Recently there are so many things I have tested, meditation, keeping a journal, mindfulness and many others. Nothing seems to fit me right. They say that if you do something everyday for two weeks it becomes a habit. Well not quite, you know what I think the secret is, you need to love it.
The only thing that I have an extreme drive for is my art, everything else falls away. I can commit myself as little as five minutes to pencil part of a page in a doctor’s office or 15 minutes on a coffee break religiously. Although, sticking to a short journal entry or meditation session is so difficult (I think I’d rather be drawing). Perhaps my goals are too ambitious, but that’s not a deterrent. I don’t see myself scaling back so why dwell on anything.
If people don’t like what I do that’s fine they were never the intended audience. It is for the few and far between, the strange ones. The individuals who can see what I’m doing and connect with it. Like minds is what I seek and also to challenge myself. If I wanted my soul to die completely there are opportunities to give up everyday. I think I needed a pep talk, but I guess a rant will have to do.
Here’s the latest vlog as well. Thanks to every like mind out there we will connect soon.