I want to be better. Better at everything. Art, writing, fatherhood, speaking, listening and all other aspects of my life. so, I have taken steps over the years to improve over the years. Mostly pertaining to art and some writing. I find other aspects of my life fall flat like fitness and healthy eating. The understanding that I need to do something about it nags at me all the time and yet the drive is never there.
To broaden my horizons I push myself into new avenues like my Vlog and I feel unhappy with the result of what I have created. The videos get better over time and with practice, but I am very critical of what I put out. Often I record the narration multiple times just to make sure I have captured everything I intended to say. Second guessing all the way. Although I think it is easy to fall into that kind of loop when you feel depressed or overwhelmed. Often I wonder if what I do even reaches people or if I help them in any way.
It is too easy to forget that not everyone who comes across your work will react when affected by it. I do the same thing myself, watching from afar until something really resonates. Then and only then will comment and interact. Perhaps it is just human nature to observe and approach with caution.
I try to break my habits and extend beyond the realms of my comfort and push back at the status quo. With so many years of listening to rock and heavy metal the rebellious ideals are ingrained in my soul. I don’t want to be like anyone else. I want to be the best version of myself and I know that I am the only one getting in my way.